Monday, October 31, 2005
 If I started a new religion today I'd have to find something that can kick my ass to pray to, (just like the good 'ol days when people prayed to statues).
I think a hurricane would do, "Oh please hurricane please don't kick my ass today with your bad-ass rain and wind."
I would need bad music to appease the "weather god." Maybe some of that Britney Spears stuff, "Oh baby baby please understand" (sing it with me). The Gods will spare us today.
I'm carefully watching the federal judge in Pennsylvania a landmark trial on how public schools teach "evolution." I shall pray to my new god for the right answer. "Oh heavy wind hear my prayer." And now we dance.
Last year I waited for Santa Claus to fly over my house and deliver his presents last Christmas. That old bastard didn't come, but I'll be waiting for him again this year because "Jesus Christ taught me forgiveness." (I hear a song coming on).
"Forget my children that science class teaches us the DNA of humans and chimpanzees is 99 percent identical." Evolution is now a bad word in my church.
Stop asking stupid questions: Who are we? Where did we come from? Why are we here? (God will supply you with all the answers if you close your eyes).
"The real purpose is to say the Bible's true, and it's history. Genesis is true," explains Ken Ham, founder of the Answers in Genesis ministry. He brings us a new superhero: Intelligent design. Maybe Ken has the answers in his made up religion.
He rejects years of findings by mainstream scientists that different species of creatures came into being over the course of hundreds of millions of years, through the process of evolution.
Oh, wait is it time to set back the clocks?
By Henry Cruz
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