Script Class: Easiest ways to Tank!

There are key elements why a flick will tank at the Box Office -- some happen behind the scenes -- (as with 'Delgo,' the least-attended film ever to open on 2,000 screens -- we'll get into that in a second) -- and some of it end actually ends up on the big-screen making you choke on your popcorn.

'Not just pointing at Samuel L. Jackson's over the top camp-noir-of-a-mess in the Spirit -- that's not his fault alone.

You can have a visually stunning looking film -- but, really, doesn't it all start with a well crafted script -- (a compelling story, NO?).

I've taken some time to think over what went wrong (and it wasn't just bad directing) -- Frank Miller does get the brunt of the shrapnel here for his diva-mess of a screenplay for the film The Spirit...

here are my random thoughts (that someone shoulda' pulled Miller over on the side and chatted him over):

- FILM GENRE: What is it? Film-Noir? -- Or a Slapstick Comedy?

One of the first rules of writing a screenplay is that you have to very quickly set the tone -- or the ground rules to keep the audience...well grounded...in that world. I think it's balls-on to mix things, hey I'm a big fan of messy things...but, you do need some rules of the road and you need tell me those rules or it falls apart and I'm out of the story scratching my head...

- BACKSTORY: Another complaint in the Spirit, at least one of mine, was how long it took for us to get the Backstory -- about an hour into the film. I might have forgiven how uncomfortable the Lead Actor seemed to be on what note to play the scripted dialogue if I knew some of the backstory, I'm easy like that.

- FEMALE CHARACTERS: Women are not just eye candy! I'm not making a pro-fem rally here, just basic science says if you have 10 girls on the screen...in this case some talented actresses, give them something smart and respectful to do other than the towel slip...consider also that about half the audience will be female, so throw them a few bones -- (or in this case a towel).

The story behind the making of "Delgo" on the other hand -- 'has the makings of a great Hollywood underdog story. 36-year-old entrepreneur Marc Adler decided he wanted to direct and produce a $40 million computer animated kids' flick completely independent of Tinseltown behemoths like Disney and Dreamworks,' says Yahoo Movies.

The critics trashed it, giving it a dreadful D average on Yahoo -- which proved to be lethal. As this reviewer puts it -- 'A philosophical question: If a film bombs at the box office, but almost no one is there to see it, is it still a bomb?' -- ouch.

In that story (by Creative Loafing) -- 10 films released in 2008 that were worse than Delgo -- they sorta defend the film -- "In fairness, the blame for Delgo’s failure should be laid on an overambitious distribution plan and an invisibility marketing and promotional scheme. Certainly 2008 saw plenty of significantly worse films," -- (click link to check out that list of films worse than Delgo they do make a good case).

I reserve judgment on "Delgo" -- until I see it...but from what I read most of the problems wasn't just the quality of the movie. Marketing and getting your film out there on folk's radar (to put on their must-watch list) -- or creating some "buzz" -- that's a story we'll save for another day...

DELGO'S FLAWS -- (let's start with lack of originality): "The story -- star-crossed lovers squaring off against an evil queen on a fanciful world divided between a reptilian people who can move rocks with their minds and a sprite-like folk who like dragons -- borrows liberally from "Star Wars," "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Dark Crystal," just without the charm and intelligence, suggest Yahoo Movies.

Adding -- "The script required the efforts of six, count 'em, six screenwriters, including Adler." -- it does sound like there was one cook too many in that kitchen.