Once in a while, before I totally catch myself, I start to fancy that I'll go off and write that book. What book, you say? Don't be silly darling, I wave you away with my fingers.

'Doesn't matter what book,

'shit, people don't even read 'em anymore anyway -- some of them make great doorstoppers? Back then, it was more to say I did it. Like joining that novelist club. The mere idea of prancing around in my fancy robes (one for each day of the week) -- and smoking a fancy pipe sounded just too sexy to me. A pipe dream.

'The reality is more like, 'girlfriend what type of crack pipe you been puffing? -- 'cause shit, man. Oh, man...

Writing.

Is.

Really F-ing hard - (with a major capital Fuck), yeah, that was then, and now is...so, okay, here's the deal.

I recently started writing a book, again. Haven't quite caught myself yet. I'm still floating down that denial river.

'Haven't got to that -- what-were-you-thinking? -- faze, just yet. Allow me linger in that dream, even if it's just a pipe dream (I'll stuff it in my pipe -- when I finally get one -- and smoke it).

According to my author gal-pal-in-my-head Lisa Scottoline's 9 TIPS FOR GETTING STARTED & STAYING MOTIVATED

I have gently embraced -- oh, ever so gently -- writing tip number four (cause two sounds way too much like a number two):

I offer up the Writer-director Michael Patrick King here as the weakest link. Or, if you're a fan of the original HBO show looking for a perfect example of someone getting in the way of the story -- look no further.

As one reviewer put it: 'What is it about movie versions of hit TV series that the producers seem unable to recapture the magic that once had us glued to our TV screens?'

Well, if I remember correctly --

the best laugh-out-loud episodes of the show were not written by the show's creator --

don't believe me, go back and check the credits.

They had a powerhouse writing staff. Is it curious then why all the reviewers have said pretty much the same thing that the movie version was missing that

'same loony spritz' --

because instead of a powerhouse writing staff, they relied on the not so-funny King to write and direct and be funny. Knowing a few things about films, mostly from watching really bad ones --

I'm going to say a few checks and balances

some script notes saying "funny"

or not so funny --

'someone to bounce off a few ideas are sorely needed. So we can filter out the bad ones and keep the cream of the crop.

If you're the director (and writer and creator of the show and not so funny), well who do you bounce your ideas off?

'Creativity comes at you -- rapid fire -- from all corners of existence. It's the slippery stuff.

Just gotta know how to grab a handful when it does. Oh, and then you have to be able lay it down for masses. That's one of the few things I learned at the feet of the very funny and talented Ms. Jennifer Belle -- (I was a student last year in her Novel Writing Workshop).

'Sat in for a book reading of her forth Novel "The Seven Year Bitch" this week and giggled like both a proud-little-school-girl and a proud-flag-waving-momma. I was the one yelling, "You go girl."

America's not ready: In her Q & A she revealed her battle with the book's editor, who cringed at the books original opening tirade. Pages and pages of a mommy talking up how much she just loves the smell of her own babies dirty diapers.

"That part was a big battle," Jennifer said. With her book editor insisting America is not ready for that.

Really, I'm thinking is baby poop all that controversial? -- okay, maybe an addiction to shit is a bit out there, but don't tell that to my dogs.

Just on the mother-and-child-bonding period, I can certainly see how everything that comes out of your kid is a gem you want to slap up on the refrigerator.

'That Adaptation: From Page to Screen panel that I sat for wasn't a complete waste of time -- let's just say nobody was doing a happy dance afterwords unless they were leaving to a better place.

Here's how it went. Two of the biggest pretentious Dick-ish writers (both French) going on-and-on like they invented water -- talking in french no less...so we all waited for a translator to birth those pearls of wisdom, which sounded like just like chalk scratching on a blackboard, or worse.

It's 2010 and French people that don't speak the Kings English by now should stay their smelly asses in France, just saying.

Love the sound of your voice much?

'Remember that big let down as a young kid when it was just an ordinary man hiding behind a curtain operating that all-powerful Oz, in that Wizard of Oz flick.

"That just sucks," I'm most surely said.

Though most of my my writer wannabee friends would say pulling off a pseudonym - (ala a book secretly written by the fake name that once was possible 15 years back for the likes of Stephen King, when he wrote under Richard Bachman). Well that could never ever be pulled off now -- in this web age of tweets and leaks, and those sneaky stalker sites (like TMZ.com)...

or can it?